(I wrote this essay for a university topic a few years back. It was recently (2001) published in the Autiser, the magazine of the Autism Association of South Australia. I have added some extra quotes that were part of a formal talk that went with the essay, but not originally part of the essay itself.)
A "human relationship" consists of two people sharing their thoughts and experiences, hoping to learn about each other as human beings and form a meaningful community. Nothing is more integral to their development than communication, and the internet is above all a medium for communication. For this reason, many people see the net as a tool for developing and nurturing relationships with each other. Other people see a conflict between the forms of communication made possible on the internet and the forms of communication that nurture human togetherness. Typically, internet communication takes place over a long distance and there are no visual or audial stimuli particular to the individuals involved. By making it easier to go without these elements - it is claimed - the internet harms our capacity to form community.
The internet is also blamed for harming relationships outside itself. Families feel rejected because one member spends their time on the net rather than interacting with the rest of the household. This point of view is common, understandable and often valid. Many otherwise excellent pursuits become destructive by being too much of a good thing. The internet sometimes acquires a disproportionate, and therefore harmful, place in a person's life. Its usage involves very little expenditure of energy in proportion to what it offers, and the bright screen acts as a stimulus that encourages the user to continue almost indefinitely. Because the internet is international, people are using it twenty-four hours a day, and there is never a point at which one has exhausted all possibility of communication. Yet no matter how real this addictive quality is, to label the internet "harmful" is to miss the point. This article seeks to prove that the internet can indeed nurture human togetherness, and if this is so, then a better question is not, "Is the internet destructive", but, "How can we find a balance between the internet and other forms of communication, and reap the benefits of both?".
Many people feel unable to relate adequately with the people around them, finding that their family and friends do not think on the same wavelength. These people often find on the internet a place where they can feel at home. There is a potential for the traditional, geographic community to be neglected, but to blame the internet is to mistake the symptom for the cause.
Of the services that the internet offers, email is a communication media for individuals, similar to a letter or fax but without any real paper being used. The World Wide Web is an unlimited array of information to which anyone can contribute. Individuals often create pages that detail their own lives, interests, and pursuits; and invitations for visitors to discuss topics of mutual interest are common. Because one begins with a certain knowledge of the people one meets, it is easy to start a meaningful conversation with a stranger - something that is very much the exception anywhere else. Because there is no physical encounter, there is less of the apprehensive quality that surrounds traditional forms of interaction. Because a person has time to think carefully over their reply to an email, conversations are often more meaningful than the trivial discourses common in the real world. Far from being in conflict with the development of human relationships, the internet overcomes many of the social barriers that prevent such interactions from happening in the first place.
A third, less publicised service, is that of newsgroups. Here, one submits lengthy, email like messages to a public forum and takes part in conversations called "threads". Thousands of newsgroups exist, and each of them is dedicated to a particular field or interest group. Some exist primarily as a knowledge source. Others are the online equivalent of fan clubs, and many of these acquire a culture of their own. Most newsgroups have one or more associated documents called FAQs that define the theme and - if applicable - the culture of the group. It is a person's willingness to "fit in" with the group's expectations that determines whether they will be accepted into the community, and because these expectations are quite distinct from those of communities outside the net, it is here that the socially wary often find a place where they can be themselves.
For example, alt.fan.pratchett (afp) is a newsgroup for fans of the popular author Terry Pratchett. According to the opening paragraph of the index page to its FAQs:
AFP recognises that virtual (i.e. internet) and physical interactions each have a place in the human endeavour. For this reason, it encourages people to organise "afpmeets" - opportunities for members to get together and meet physically. Invitations to such meets are posted on the group, as are reports for those who couldn't make it. Sometimes, people travel across the world to meet individuals they have corresponded with online. More commonly, individuals will meet in a newsgroup, develop a sincere friendship by email, and soon begin talking to each other on the phone or arranging to meet in the flesh.
As part of the research for this article, members of the afp community were asked for their experiences of internet-fostered relationships and communities. Some responses were:
It is the vast array of testimonies, both of individuals and of groups, that deal the death blow to the view that true human togetherness cannot be fostered on the internet. Far from being hostile to the formation of human relationships, community is the very essence of the internet. Nowhere is it easier to seek people with similar interests to oneself, and human relationships - both personal and community - on the internet are as genuine as any in real life. Many people find that they owe an enormous social debt to the people they met through their computer. It is true that competition can develop between internet and traditional communities and that the latter can feel "left out" as a result, but the first step to solving this problem is to acknowledge the internet not primarily as a destructive force, but as a constructive one.